During the COVID-19 pandemic, swiping right and then what?

By Chris Cobb, Xavier Guzman & Brooks Warren

Jeremy Cohen, a Brooklyn photographer, saw a woman named Tori Cignarella dancing on a roof next to his apartment. Cohen waved at Cignarella, and to his surprise she waved back. 

Because of social distancing that has become the norm during the coronavirus pandemic, Cohen couldn’t meet Tori at her apartment, so he did the next best thing he could think of — he attached his phone number to a drone and flew it to her. Shortly after, Cignarella texted him and the two had their first dinner date the next night via FaceTime. 

This is dating in the age of COVID-19.  

Cohen had tried online dating before, but hadn’t had much luck. The competition there to vie for people’s attention is intense. 

“As a short guy, I struggle with online dating because I get anxiety that my date will think I’m too short,” Cohen said.   

Dating is a challenge for many people. With technology improving every year and with more and more people using dating apps to meet their partner, many people might feel awkward walking up to someone and asking them on a date.

The novel coronavirus has made dating more challenging with many states on lockdown. Go-to places for dates such as restaurants and bars are mostly carry-out only. Movie theaters are closed. Social distancing has been encouraged — and in many places mandated — all over the nation. COVID-19 has made it impossible for potential partners to meet one another. So people are getting more creative on how to meet and date.

Cohen and Cignarella wanted to meet in person, and in order to do that, they had to be creative. 

On a podcast with Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Cohen said he got into a plastic bubble so he and Cignarella could go for a walk. That date — and the way the two met — are both unorthodox. But those type of stories may become more common as we all shelter in place.

“I’d argue that dating is better now than ever because of technology,” Cohen said. “We actually have to get to know the person now before having any of the physical aspects of a relationship.”   

But that doesn’t mean that everyone will spend increasing time on dating apps. Aaron Hill, a former graduate student, said he doesn’t have as much interest now in using apps such as Tinder or Hinge when he can be doing work from home. He’s also become wary of starting a connection with someone new while in quarantine.

“Imagine that you were a girl,” Hill said. “Why would I spend my time talking to you, either through this app or texting or Snapchat when I know that we’re never going to hang out? At least we’re not going to hang out for a couple of months.” 

The growth of online dating

Online dating started in earnest in 1994 with Kiss.com, followed by Match.com in 1995 and eHarmony in 2000. By October 1996, Match.com had 100,000 registrations. When online dating first began, users had to find an online dating website and create a profile, which typically included a photo and an “about me” section filled with personal information. Then users would have to search potential partners’ profiles and reach out via a messaging system within the website (or though e-mail).

These days, it’s much faster. On popular dating apps such as Tinder, users see pictures of someone, and if they like them they swipe right, or if they don’t they swipe left. If both users swipe right on each other it’s a match and they can begin a conversation. If one person swipes right or if both swipe left, then it’s not a match and there’s no communication.

Swiping right or left on profiles is now the norm. Not many people have time to sit down at their computer and read someone’s profile who may not be interested in them. With swiping, users get instant gratification. But they may not always get a fair look from others, according to Efe Sevin, an assistant professor at Towson University. Research he conducted showed that people of color, especially black women and Asian men, tend to get fewer inquiries on websites such as OkCupid.    

Meeting people online has become more popular in recent years. According to a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 39 percent of heterosexual couples met their significant other online in 2017 compared to 22 percent in 2009.    

Thirty percent of U.S. adults say they have used online dating sites or apps, including 11 percent who have done so in the past year, according to a Pew Research Center report. The report also suggests that online dating platforms have been useful in creating strong connections and relationships.    

James Hagan never had success getting dates asking women out in person, so he turned to online dating. 

For 20 years, Hagan thought he would never find that special person. Hagan was shy and afraid of being rejected if he asked out a girl. To conquer his shyness, he turned to online dating – most frequently, Plenty of Fish, a website where members look at someone’s profile and decide if they want to message the person.  

In 2013, after two years of online dating, Hagan began chatting with Gretchen, who lived in Tennessee. His first message to her asked, “What part of Tennessee do you live in?,” and she responded with Gallatin — where his grandparents lived.

The two talked every day about life and work — anything to get to know each other better. After two months of talking, Hagan moved to Tennessee.  

“If it wasn’t for Plenty of Fish, I know I wouldn’t have met Gretchen,” Hagan said. “I could still be looking for a partner.”  

Stories like these are now commonplace. But with the COVID-19 pandemic, dating app companies have come to realize that they need to do more to help people form connections.

Tinder plans to add a video dating feature by the middle of this year, according to TechCrunch, and Hinge has already released their video dating feature called, “Date from Home,” this past month. Plenty of Fish has also stepped up its game, updating its app to give its users a more interactive method of communicating while they are quarantined. There is a section called “Live” where users can find someone they find attractive, and they will be interacting like they would be on Skype. This not only speeds up the matchmaking process, but will give the users a chance to see if they feel a sense of chemistry with one another.

There’s even a new dating app made just for the coronavirus called Curtn. In this app people are encouraged to create short videos for their profiles. 

Dating during the COVID-19

According to reports, there has been a surge of new online dating accounts. That means more and more people will likely to finding ways to connect after meeting someone online. But what do people want to do on these virtual dates?   

Grace Hebron, a Towson University senior, has thought about this.

“My virtual ideal date is one that’s comfortable, maybe over a glass of wine,” Hebron said. “It would help break the ice in a situation that has a potential to be tricky to navigate.”

Dating online has the potential to be a positive experience, Hebron said.

“The idea of social distance dating could be intimidating and people might not know how to take the first step, but I do think that there’s a potential for people to make connections on a deeper level than what they might be used to with dating in person,” Hebron said.

However, she also believes that virtual dating also has its drawbacks. 

“Dating during social distancing means that you’re in your own home, which is a weird element,” Hebron said. “Communicating through Zoom and Skype leaves the window open for awkward pauses. This is something many people haven’t done before because the time is so unprecedented. It comes with a lot of pressure.” 

College students, during normal times, have plenty of ways to meet people — in their classes, their dorms and at parties. Now, however, dating apps might be the best way to connect — especially for people who may be hesitant to make the first move in person.

“It’s quite a bit easier to speak via text than in person — [especially] for people like me with first-time jitters” said Emily Park, a former Montgomery College student.

Meeting through dating apps and then dating online has its drawbacks. But one of the clear benefits is avoiding troubling in-person interactions. Laura King, a recent college graduate living in New York, remembers a time when a date she met online tried to prevent her from leaving his apartment during a date. Many other women have similar stories.   

Arielle Kuperberg, an associate professor of sociology at UNC Greensboro, studies hook-up culture among college students. She thinks the #MeToo movement has played a role in the way men ask women out. Because of the #MeToo movement, she thinks people are less likely to meet at work, which has traditionally been a venue where many couples meet.  

“I do think people are more cautious about approaching people because of the #MeToo movement,” Kuperberg said. “They are worried about sexual harassment. I do think we’ve seen a real shift in the past 10 years where people are less likely to approach people in public, or people in the classroom, or work. On Tinder, you know people you’re approaching have signed up for the website or app that says I’m open to being approached right now. It’s made it more clear in a time where people aren’t sure how to approach someone.”   

Time on their hands

Towson student Nate Gilgeous is active on dating apps. He isn’t necessarily looking for a girlfriend right now or to be on the dating scene. In fact, Gilgeous says it’s more so for the conversation than anything else.

“Right now just looking to have some options when we can all leave the house again,” Gilgeous said. “Even though right now it’s a lockdown.”

Stanton Rams, a former Montgomery College student, said because there hasn’t been as much going on recently, he has spent his time talking with a number of girls on dating apps through messaging or the video chat options on Bumble.

“Hey, man, honestly I’m bored might as well put some shots up see what goes in,” he said. 

Hill, the former graduate student, said he he’s not sure about online dating at the moment, but would be interested in seeing a potential date’s living situation. He said people can always learn more about someone in their natural and most comfortable environment.

“It would be cooler if I was like, ‘alright we’ll drive to someplace that’s special to you, or some place with a view or somewhere that you like to go to think and sit over things,” Hill said. “I’ll do the same and we’ll kinda share that space with each other through FaceTime or whatever. That would be a lot more meaningful and a lot more cool than clinking glasses together on a virtual date.”  

Stanton and Park both stated they would rather keep their quarantine dates simple and cheap. Emily says she prefers watching movies and eating snacks while her date keeps her company on FaceTime.

Emily isn’t swiping in order to find a date, however, but rather to make friends and create new bonds. She says that FaceTiming is fine for now, but she’s looking forward to getting back to the way things were.

 “If I had to choose (between) in-person versus FaceTime (meeting), I’d choose in person” she said.